I’ve been researching and interviewing experts and case studies about food addiction.

There are some experts who do not believe a person can become addicted to food; others do believe it is a real addiction and more and more people are suffering is affects.

I joke and say I’m addicted to food but really, I’m not sure. I love food and I have a hard time giving up my favorites but if I had to, I could.

Sometimes, I think life is too short to live with restrictions so I go on binges and eat whatever I want until I am unwell enough to see that it is harming my health; physical and mental.

Mentally, I have issues with food; no doubt about that. When I go on a health kick and give up sugar, wheat, diary, yeast…..all the things that contribute to my health issues, I feel great. I feel like I’m strong and in control.

When I fall off the good food wagon, I feel guilty and weak. I usually beat myself up about eating, which only adds to my desire to eat even more. After a few weeks of mental anguish, I give up on the caring and just eat when I want and what I want.

Physically, I don’t have too much to worry about. I am petit and I don’t gain weight easily. Saying that, I have gained nearly 4kgs in the past 6 weeks. Some people I know would say I needed this. But being over 50kg also adds more mental torment as I now fear getting fat. This has not stopped me from eating though.And I am grateful that I no longer have to diet to lose weight. I just need to return to healthy, fresh food and the excess weight will be gone within a week. I know you hate me for it.

A physical issue I do struggle with is bloating and constipation. But again, this uncomfortable and embarrassing problem is not enough to stop me. Maybe talking about it on the internet will shame me into health again. I need to drink more water.

Today, I have made a banana cake with cream cheese icing and I have a beef and red wine stew boiling away on the stove top. This will be served over whipped, buttery potatoes with a side of steamed broccoli and the cake for dessert. Home c00ked meals with fresh ingredients is my aim and today I succeeded! I love to cook.

Next week I will make a huge chocolate birthday cake for my hubby. He doesn’t just have a sweet tooth, all of his teeth are sweet. It is very hard to live in a house with someone (actually two other sweet people, my son is also very keen on all things sweet) who loves pudding. He says he will follow any eating regime that I do but he will then ask me to make a chocolate self-saucing cake. There are still left-overs from last night in the fridge at this moment.

The time is coming for me to, once again, ban unnecessary sweets (like chocolate and packaged biscuits) from the house but I  am afraid of being miserable without my daily chocolate or cake fix. I’m definitely using food to cover up other problems so without the food, I may be forced to confront the truth (whatever that is)…..and I really don’t want to at the moment.

BTW – that banana cake is yummy and one small piece was enough to satisfy!