I’ve become addicted to The Voice. I have always liked the music and dance  reality shows and have watched Australian Idol and So You Think You Can Dance before with great interest. It’s not really about the singing and dancing though. It’s about the courage these people have to take the steps needed to pursue their dreams.

The Voice is a far cry from Idol. I mean, anyone can audition for Idol and get a minute of air time even if it’s an embarrassment to him/her and everyone they know. The Voice is clearly for professional artists. Or maybe they just don’t show the really shitty performances on air. I wish my shitty performances were not out there for busy editors to see.

It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling lately. Just when I thought I was out of the danger zone, 2 back-to-back rejections pushed me back into the hole I was nearly out of; this time I was at the very bottom. It was dark, dirty and I wallowed in it for  30 hours or so. I actually stayed in bed 16 of those hours. The other 14 were spent in a zombie-like state wishing I would just disappear. I considered going to the doctor for a prescription but I detest pharmaceuticals so I treated myself with a good dose of chocolate and herbal medications. It worked for  me then. I pray I don’t need that treatment again today.

I took several days off last week. School holidays are now over and I have no excuse but to harden up and get on with things.

I worked on the weekend and filed 2 stories this morning. I got nothing but requests to do things  differently from my editor. No thanks. No compliments. I also got 2 pitch rejections from him , just to put a rotten cherry on top of my morning (not the same rejections as mentioned above – so I’m 4 for 4 in as many days).

I can feel the imbalance trying to take over my mind and body again. Anger, insecurity, pity, self-loathing…..I wish Seal was my life coach. But he suffers from depression too, doesn’t he? Don’t we all at some point in our lives?

I watch The Voice for inspiration. For motivation. I wish Seal would say inspiring words to me like,

“Let yourself be great” ~Seal

or remind me that,

“Fear of failure leads to no success” ~Seal

I’ll have to say those words to myself. And I do. But I also need someone to tell me that it will all be ok in the end.

 

It’s sooooo not ok. I guess it’s not the end. (And thanks John Lennon)