Kai Chronicles

Eating, exploring and enjoying life

I’ve decided to say good-bye

5 Comments

sunset good bye

 

Good-bye doesn’t have to be forever.

But today, I’m saying good-bye to my expectations.

Expectations are creating drama and disharmony in my life.

Expectations that are set way too high and are a bit unrealistic.

Many people may argue that your goals, dreams and expectations have to be set high in order for you to strive to achieve them. I disagree.

The past few weeks have been challenging and I’ve realised that I can’t have it all.

I can’t be an attentive mother and wife AND a hard-working writer/photographer.

I can’t sit  in front of my computer 24/7 chasing the next publication and pay cheque AND be happy about doing laundry and making dinner for my family.

Maybe some people can get the balance right but after 3 years of ups and downs, I decided I can’t do it.

Therefore, I have to say good-bye to either my family or trying to skyrocket my career.

I have had a few moments lately where that decision was hard to make.

I thought my boys would be better off without me. I considered myself too selfish to give up some of my dreams (for now).

I thought I didn’t want to give up a career that had taken me until age 38 to say yes to.

I didn’t want to have regrets or resentment toward them for giving up my writing dreams. But, I already had resentments so what would be the difference?

And it’s a horrible place to be: regret and resentment.

But the choice was clear pretty fast.

I made a list of want I actually wanted and what I needed to do to achieve that. And that was hard. It was so much easier to figure out what I didn’t want.

I don’t want to be in front of a monitor 24/7.

I don’t want to chase editors constantly.

I don’t want to keep comparing myself to other writers.

I don’t want feel envy every time I saw the same byline several times a week .

What I do want is to be happy in my primary job, which is a stay-at -home mum. Believe me, I had forgotten that altogether.

So, yes I chose my family. I chose an easy, less stressed lifestyle.

And no, this doesn’t mean that I will stop writing.

It just means I will step back A LOT.

I will set realistic and achievable goals.

I will stop comparing myself and my abilities to other writers and photographers.

I will run my own race.

I will be less stringent and more open.

My new lifestyle starts now.

We are off to Bali as a family tomorrow. My hubby and I will celebrate 10 years of marriage. I’m quite proud of this, although it has not been an easy feat, but that’s another blog post!!!

Good-bye doesn’t have to be forever. For me, it’s just for now.

Morton family Dec 2013

My choice.

 

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Author: Jennifer Morton

Freelance travel and lifestyle writer | photographer | coffee snob | INFJ | yogi wannabe | Canadian expat | will write for money

5 thoughts on “I’ve decided to say good-bye

  1. Great article and choice. You can always go back to writing and photography, but Tai will not be a child forever. Have fun in Bali.

  2. Have some great family time in Bali…I can only imagine how tough the choice must have been for you to make.

  3. You have no idea how much I relate to this. I’m happy for you and wish you all the best. Have a marvelous time in Bali!

  4. Wow! Good for you! I’m so proud to know you and have you for a sister. Lots of love, Christine XXX

  5. Enjoy Bali, you may feel different about things when you get back. All the best Carole

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