Okay, so I know this post is well overdue. It’s been over 2 months now since I actually did my detox in Bali and over a month since I wrote the first post in this series. I won’t lie. Life’s busy and getting busier each day.

Many of you may have forgotten about my detox series but here I am, back to remind you that I did do a mini detox in Ubud and it was fantastic. So, let’s get on with what happened on day 1.

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I wake up eager to start the day even though I had a fitful night. I regret not bringing my fleece onesie along. I didn’t expect it to be so cool. But, there’s no time to dwell on that. It’s the first day of my mini juice cleanse and I’m pumped to get started!

I arrive to the Kush Spa just before my 8 o’clock appointment. I pour myself a glass of water from the fountain and sit back in a wooden chair. It’s hard and uncomfortable, kinda like what most people think a detox will be.

The deck of the Colonic Hut looks onto a small rice field. It’s dry and brown but the birds love it.

A petite woman arrives and heads to the door. I sit up in my seat.

“Hi, are you Andrea?” I ask.

“Yes. You must be Jennifer,” she responds. “Follow me and we can start.”

Her accents suggests she is American and her smile shows that she is friendly and approachable.

She shows me to a small office just inside and to the left of the main entrance.

After some chitchat Andrea gives me a questionnaire and leaves the room. It’s basic health stuff until I get to this:

Draw your poop

Hmmm, I can honestly say I have never attempted to draw a picture of my poop.

I stare at the paper feeling uncomfortable. I know I have to produce something or I’ll look like a child.

I go with a standard looking log shape. Not very original and certainly not a good representation of this morning’s bowel movement, which was mostly liquid. For a minute, I thought I had Bali Belly and wondered if the money I’d spent on this detox would be a total waste. (It wasn’t Bali Belly).

Andrea returns and collects my papers. She glances over them as she sits in front of me, slightly to my right.

The next 45 minutes is spent discussing my health concerns and my hopes.

Then Andrea gives me a gift bag with goodies in it. As per her request, I take one thing out at a time.

First I pull out a brown sarong. Nice touch. “A must when in Bali,” she says.

Then a U-shaped piece of metal. “Do you know what that is?” she asks.

“A tongue scraper,” I hestitantly reply.

“That’s right!! Most people do not know what it is,” she says.  I feel chuffed with myself.

Then voucher booklets for the Garden Kafe (onsite).

Next is the packs of capsules. These are the herbs I will take daily: Javanese Tumeric, Temu Hitam, Wormwood, Clove, Sambiloto and a special Colon Cleanse blend.

Lastly, an enema kit and a cleanse booklet with all the information I need to have a successful and enjoyable detox.

The program suggests a daily routine that looks something like this:

• Wake up with your natural body clock. Do not set alarms.
• Scrape tongue.
• Drink 1 litre of fresh water within the first hour of being up.
• Take the herbs.
• 9am – 1 shot of Coconut Kefir
• 930 – 1 shot of wheatgrass
• 945 – 1 green juice
• 11am – fresh coconut water
• Between noon and 3pm – 1 herbal tea, more coconut kefir and at least another litre of water
• 4pm – green juice
• 6pm – fresh coconut water
• 7-9pm more water
• Bed

The above drinks are included in my program but if I want more, I can buy extra.

In addition this that, I must also fit in 5 yoga, dance and/or meditation classes over the 3 days as well as massages and sauna sessions. And let’s not forget, 2 enemas each day.

Now that that’s all clear, it’s time for my colonic.

Andrea gives me a hospital gown,  tells me to remove everything from the waist down and points me in the direction of the bathroom.

With the open-back gown held in together with one hand, I tiptoe to the colonic room.

I’m trying my best not to feel embarrassed or shy.

“Lie down on your left side,” she instructs.

There’s a small sign on the wall, something for patients to gaze at while they are ridded of old and excess crap. It says

You are loved

“Take a deep breath,” she says.

As she does, she inserts the tube into my bum hole. Too much? Sorry, but that’s what has to happen.

Water is now being funnelled into my bowels. Andrea reminds me to breath.

I don’t know how many minutes have passed or how many waves of cramps I’ve endured when I see the water turn brown.

Yes, isn’t it great that the tube is clear so you can witness the colour and texture of your own shit as it leaves your body.

This same process goes on for 20-30 minutes Water in – water and shit out.

It’s an uneasy feeling when she takes the tube out. I feel like I need to RUN to the toilet but she assures me that I have time to walk.

I did have time, but just.

I actually feel lighter when I leave the hut.

But, I head straight to the cafe for some nutrients.

Wheatgrass shot

Green Juice

Really yummy. I’m not new to green juice so it’s not an effort to love it.

The rest of day one looks like this:

• Yoga Nidra (yogic meditation)
• Reflexology foot massage
• Time sipping more liquids in the cafe and trying not to notice all the solid food being eaten
• A good attempt at an “at-home” enema
• Reading
• Early to bed

Tomorrow’s a big day. I already have several appointments booked.

I’m hungry so I turn the lights out. Rest is good.