Kai Chronicles

Eating, exploring and enjoying life


5 Comments

I’ve decided to say good-bye

sunset good bye

 

Good-bye doesn’t have to be forever.

But today, I’m saying good-bye to my expectations.

Expectations are creating drama and disharmony in my life.

Expectations that are set way too high and are a bit unrealistic.

Many people may argue that your goals, dreams and expectations have to be set high in order for you to strive to achieve them. I disagree.

The past few weeks have been challenging and I’ve realised that I can’t have it all.

I can’t be an attentive mother and wife AND a hard-working writer/photographer.

I can’t sit  in front of my computer 24/7 chasing the next publication and pay cheque AND be happy about doing laundry and making dinner for my family.

Maybe some people can get the balance right but after 3 years of ups and downs, I decided I can’t do it.

Therefore, I have to say good-bye to either my family or trying to skyrocket my career.

I have had a few moments lately where that decision was hard to make.

I thought my boys would be better off without me. I considered myself too selfish to give up some of my dreams (for now).

I thought I didn’t want to give up a career that had taken me until age 38 to say yes to.

I didn’t want to have regrets or resentment toward them for giving up my writing dreams. But, I already had resentments so what would be the difference?

And it’s a horrible place to be: regret and resentment.

But the choice was clear pretty fast.

I made a list of want I actually wanted and what I needed to do to achieve that. And that was hard. It was so much easier to figure out what I didn’t want.

I don’t want to be in front of a monitor 24/7.

I don’t want to chase editors constantly.

I don’t want to keep comparing myself to other writers.

I don’t want feel envy every time I saw the same byline several times a week .

What I do want is to be happy in my primary job, which is a stay-at -home mum. Believe me, I had forgotten that altogether.

So, yes I chose my family. I chose an easy, less stressed lifestyle.

And no, this doesn’t mean that I will stop writing.

It just means I will step back A LOT.

I will set realistic and achievable goals.

I will stop comparing myself and my abilities to other writers and photographers.

I will run my own race.

Continue reading