sacrifice | Kai Chronicles

Good-bye doesn’t have to be forever.

But today, I’m saying good-bye to my expectations.

Expectations are creating drama and disharmony in my life.

Expectations that are set way too high and are a bit unrealistic.

Many people may argue that your goals, dreams and expectations have to be set high in order for you to strive to achieve them. I disagree.

The past few weeks have been challenging and I’ve realised that I can’t have it all.

I can’t be an attentive mother and wife AND a hard-working writer/photographer.

I can’t sit in front of my computer 24/7 chasing the next publication and pay cheque AND be happy about doing laundry and making dinner for my family.

Maybe some people can get the balance right but after 3 years of ups and downs, I decided I can’t do it.

Therefore, I have to say good-bye to either my family or trying to skyrocket my career.

I have had a few moments lately where that decision was hard to make.

I thought my boys would be better off without me. I considered myself too selfish to give up some of my dreams (for now).

I thought I didn’t want to give up a career that had taken me until age 38 to say yes to.

I didn’t want to have regrets or resentment toward them for giving up my writing dreams. But, I already had resentments so what would be the difference?

And it’s a horrible place to be: regret and resentment.

But the choice was clear pretty fast.

I made a list of want I actually wanted and what I needed to do to achieve that. And that was hard. It was so much easier to figure out what I didn’t want.

I don’t want to be in front of a monitor 24/7.

I don’t want to chase editors constantly.

I don’t want to keep comparing myself to other writers.

I don’t want feel envy every time I saw the same byline several times a week .

What I do want is to be happy in my primary job, which is a stay-at -home mum. Believe me, I had forgotten that altogether.

So, yes I chose my family. I chose an easy, less stressed lifestyle.

And no, this doesn’t mean that I will stop writing.

It just means I will step back A LOT.

I will set realistic and achievable goals.

I will stop comparing myself and my abilities to other writers and photographers.

I will run my own race.

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Just Say No

Today is the Catholic holy day of Ash Wednesday and the first day of Lent.

The word Lent is derived from the word “lencten”or “lenctentid” which means Spring. For Christians, Lent is an important time of year; a time of penance, prayer and sacrifice.

Lent starts on Ash Wednesday and continues until Easter Sunday. It is said that Lent consists of 40 days but there are clearly more than 40 days from today until April 8th, Easter Sunday. It seems there were/are different rules surrounding the custom.

Some were strict and allowed only one meal per day. Some made sacrifices only Monday-Friday. Some allowed Sunday to be a free-day. In general, it was a time for fasting and sacrifice and no meat, fish or animal products were to be taken. Over the years, the tradition has changed and some may choose to make up there own rules.

As a child, we participated in Lent even if only loosely. I remember the thoughts of giving up candy but I can’t confirm if it actually happened. I remember having fish on Fridays but I’m not sure if we gave up all other meat entirely. My parents divorced when I was 4-years-old, which was considered a sin so I was not brought up in the church, although my older siblings were.

In summary, from Ash Wednesday Christians give up rich, luxury food and animal products until Easter Sunday when a feast of baked ham or turkey with all the trimmings and mountains of chocolate are served as a reward. Or is it to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus? That always confuses me.

In these times of overindulgence on a daily (even hourly) basis, the custom of Lent is one to be embraced whether you are Christian or not. It’s only six weeks or so and who knows, giving up meat, sugar, alcohol, cigarettes or caffeine may even change your life.

Will you give up something for Lent this year?