Kai Chronicles

Eating, exploring and enjoying life


2 Comments

Seal Wisdom Help Me Now

voice

I’ve become addicted to The Voice. I have always liked the music and dance  reality shows and have watched Australian Idol and So You Think You Can Dance before with great interest. It’s not really about the singing and dancing though. It’s about the courage these people have to take the steps needed to pursue their dreams.

The Voice is a far cry from Idol. I mean, anyone can audition for Idol and get a minute of air time even if it’s an embarrassment to him/her and everyone they know. The Voice is clearly for professional artists. Or maybe they just don’t show the really shitty performances on air. I wish my shitty performances were not out there for busy editors to see.

It’s no secret that I’ve been struggling lately. Just when I thought I was out of the danger zone, 2 back-to-back rejections pushed me back into the hole I was nearly out of; this time I was at the very bottom. It was dark, dirty and I wallowed in it for  30 hours or so. I actually stayed in bed 16 of those hours. The other 14 were spent in a zombie-like state wishing I would just disappear. I considered going to the doctor for a prescription but I detest pharmaceuticals so I treated myself with a good dose of chocolate and herbal medications. It worked for  me then. I pray I don’t need that treatment again today.

I took several days off last week. School holidays are now over and I have no excuse but to harden up and get on with things.

I worked on the weekend and filed 2 stories this morning. I got nothing but requests to do things  differently from my editor. No thanks. No compliments. I also got 2 pitch rejections from him , just to put a rotten cherry on top of my morning (not the same rejections as mentioned above – so I’m 4 for 4 in as many days).

I can feel the imbalance trying to take over my mind and body again. Anger, insecurity, pity, self-loathing…..I wish Seal was my life coach. But he suffers from depression too, doesn’t he? Don’t we all at some point in our lives?

I watch The Voice for inspiration. For motivation. I wish Seal would say inspiring words to me like,

“Let yourself be great” ~Seal

or remind me that,

“Fear of failure leads to no success” ~Seal

I’ll have to say those words to myself. And I do. But I also need someone to tell me that it will all be ok in the end.

Quote if its not ok its not the end

 

It’s sooooo not ok. I guess it’s not the end. (And thanks John Lennon)

 

 


4 Comments

I forgot all about this little blog and some other important things

forget

 

The past 3 weeks (since my last blog post) have gone so fast, I just can’t believe it. Nor can I believe that I have not written a post since April 9th.

Last time,  I spoke about having too much on my plate. So much, in fact that I forgot about my blog. That’s not entirely true (I didn’t forget but I surely neglected), but if you read that post called How much is too much, you will see I didn’t even include it on my list of TO DO. Shame on me.

I actually let the largeness of that list and the commitments attached to it consume me. And not in a good way.

I let things crumble around me slowly but surely.

This past week, things (my madness) got to the breaking point. There were days I could have snapped in two; I was so rigid and uptight. I was so focussed on WHEN I was going to pull this writing and photography career off that I lost control of the only thing that matters: The HERE & NOW.

I was engrossed in making a schedule of my time; one so rigid that I could not keep up with it. Not even for one day. It was unrealistic and by no surprise, I shut down: mentally and nearly physically. I couldn’t keep up with my own personal demands on my body, mind, emotions and soul. Everything started to slow down. I did work. I had lots of writing assignments for the newspaper plus Master T home on school holidays to keep me UP and active but my other  stuff stopped. Mild depression settled in and set up camp.

I stopped exercising. I stopped writing my novel. I stopped studying. I certainly stopped trying to be an attentive mother. Thank goodness he’s a 7-year-old with an iPod, a TV, lots of LEGO and books.

I was stressed about money, my procrastination, my loss of drive and a very big financial decision hung over my head as did an impending month-long overseas holiday.

I wanted everything to stop.

Except The Voice. I wanted The Voice to be on 24 hours a day. I needed that kind of motivation and inspiration near me. But that’s another post.

I was terrified and I hated myself for digging an enormous hole. A hole I would have to climb out of, eventually.

I made the big decision (new camera gear is on the way), the trip was postponed, I shut the computer off on Saturday and most of Sunday (today) and I let myself be free to do as much or as little as I wanted to at the moment. I know I need to stop forcing myself to do things because I think THAT IS the only way to get things done. It doesn’t work for me. I need a new system. I let go of everything for a few days and it worked.

I’m out of the hole, or at the very  least,  I’m close to the top. My nails are a mess!!

There’s something within me that I don’t quite understand but it’s some kind of mechanism in my soul that refuses to let me fall completely.

There’s been many times in my life where I could have gone down dark and dreary paths, and sometimes I did choose that but only for a short time. Whether it was drugs, alcohol, people, food, jobs, a mental state or a real live wrong turn,  I always seem to know when I need to change direction and head towards the light.

I am destined to succeed, I just forget sometimes.

I have a quote by Jack Welch sitting in front of me that says:

Change before you have to

It’s the kind of reminding that I need. Constantly.

If it’s broken, FIX IT. My way of thinking and my self-worth was broken but it’s on the mend now.

destiny

©Jennifer Morton Photos

My next post will surely be about The Voice!

 

 

 

 

 


Leave a comment

The Fear Factor

We are all afraid of something.

Flying

Driving

Darkness

Being alone

Heights

Enclosed spaces

Spiders

Snakes

Food

Rodents

The sea

People

Change

Failure

Rejection

The list could go on and on and on and on………..

It’s natural to feel fear, but it’s a shame if you let it take over your life. If your fear of something or things are preventing you from living a full life or living your dream, then maybe it’s time to face it. Stare it straight in the eyes and say FU#K YOU.

This is why I am loving The Voice right now.

The contestants are so inspirational and courageous!  Imagine getting up there, in front of all those people and knowing that Seal, Delta Goodrem, Joel Madden and that spunk Keith Urban are listening to you…..judging you.

It’s so exciting when someone gets through; their dream is about to become a reality. But what about the ones who don’t turn a seat? It must be soul crushing…..it IS crushing to be rejected. It’s why some people never take that step towards greatness.

That’s why I’d like to share Juddy Mac’s audition on The Voice. He may not have made it through but he gave it his best shot. He chased a dream not only for himself, but to set an example for his kids. What a legend. It broke my heart to see his young boy cry at his father’s loss.

It’s far more admirable to ‘give it a go’ and fail then to never even try.

I don’t consider myself a fearful person. Of course, I do let fear get in the way of “winning” some days but I have faced some fairly large demons in my life and continue to do so. I am on this earth to learn and the only way to do that is by doing.

It’s easy to fall into a hole of despair when life gets tough and if you don’t have the strength to climb out you may get buried in all of life’s issues.

My life could have gone down so many different, negative paths if I wasn’t a strong climber. I may not be at the top (yet) but I’m willing to press on.

Is fear a factor in your daily life? Is it holding you back from living your dream?

Need some inspiration? Check out CHRIS SEBASTIAN on The Voice. I cannot get enough of this performance. Yes, he’s super talented but this is an exciting video.